The Pastor Bob stories are also in their infancy. I decided to go ahead and post the first two, written before the creative writing class, to illustrate a before and after. The third will come later this month and I will leave it up to you to decide if the creative writing class was worth my time.
Bucky
Breakfast with Pastor Bob
One Saturday morning as the dawn’s breaking was still an hour or so away, I felt the whispers of memory begin tugging at my consciousness. Something about pheasants and hunting in the countryside, hours of hiking through thick weeds, dogs barking excitedly ahead of us. Sore aching joints and muscles, why had I ever agreed to such insanity? Oh, yes… Pastor Bob, the rugged, outdoorsy pastor of our little church in town was coming over to breakfast before the usual misfits headed out to the overgrown weed patches we called our hunting grounds.
I looked to see if the dawn had yet cracked and suddenly noticed that the floor was a lot closer than it had been when I went to bed last night. What in the…? I rolled all the way over to the armoire, still in my pajamas, with the blankets now wound around me like a modern day mummy.
“IT’S TIME TO RISE AND SHINE, MARINES! LET’S ENJOY ANOTHER DAY IN THE CORPS!”
The mad pastor was in my very bedroom! Not only that, he had thrown me out of my own bed, for goodness sakes! Where was my faithful guard dog? Where was the treacherous wife who had no doubt let the fiend into my home? Was nothing sacred in my own house?!
“Good morning, Pastor Bob. What brings you here so early in the morning?” was all that I could think of to say.
“Your lovely wife invited me to breakfast before we head out to the fields,” he said, while upending a chair, putting the mattress back on the bed and dumping my clothes on top of me. I noticed that he touched none of my wife’s stuff, proving once again that wisdom grows from serving the Lord.
“Lovely? You should see her first thing in the morning,” I shot back, knowing that I would pay dearly for that remark as the lovely creature had come to the bedroom door just then.
“Oh, I did, but she was too quick for me to dump out of the sack, unlike your laggardly arse!”
Did the fiend have no shame? In our very bedroom without knocking, I was definitely getting a new guard dog; the shameless beast was there even now, licking Pastor Bob’s hand.
“Breakfast is ready Pastor, let’s leave my prince to get himself sorted out… and clean up my bedroom before his breakfast,” my wife said.
“I shall rush to do your bidding my princess,” I tried to reverse the damage.
“Too late there mummified one, I heard the first remark, which we will discuss later,” my morning flower said in return. I winced, our “discussions” were usually one sided and only occurred after I had shot off my mouth without the proper safety precautions.
“Oho, may I stay for that? I could use some new material for my sermons!” The fiend known as Pastor Bob asked the Rose of my life as he picked me up, blankets and all and heaved me into the shower room. I wouldn’t have minded so much if he hadn’t turned all the shower heads on full cold as he walked away to his breakfast with my wife.
I dumped the sopping mess of our bed covers into the laundry room, Saturday was wash day anyway. Whatever else I thought about my rude awakening, I was fully awake now. Pastor Bob was sipping coffee in my chair and chatting with my lovely and radiant wife about my shortcomings, hunting, fishing, news around the town, and the economy. None of which was any worse than usual, with the possible exception of my shortcomings.
“You’re going to pay for that Pastor Bob,” I joked, trying to regain some of my lost dignity.
“I’m sure, a little light workout to get the blood flowing would be a good way to start the day,” Pastor Bob joked back.
Oh, well, I had never enjoyed much dignity anyway. I sat down across from my wife and dug into a wonderful breakfast, remembering to tell her so.
“That will help a little; you can almost make up for that first remark by getting our shotguns and hunting gear ready to go.
“I did last night, it’s all in the truck and ready to go!” I said, hoping to regain my lost points in one fell swoop. No such luck, she was ready for any underhanded attempts on my part.
“You forgot the shells and the dog kennel, but you can get them after breakfast,” my morning cactus blossom replied.
No question about it, I would need to get up a lot earlier to get one over on these two.
Bucky
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